When I look back at the first 6 months of Roman’s life, it’s all a bit of a blur now. I think the first few months were just getting through each day. We were sleep deprived yet the days felt clearer. I was so excited yet so nervous. I was a new mum, but unaware of so much.
I didn’t know latching on would be such a challenge or why my body didn’t just ‘bounce’ back to my pre- pregnancy stage, and I wasn’t just talking about weight, but also about health, menstrual cycles and emotions.
I didn’t know those 3 days in to being blessed with this beautiful child, you become extremely emotional. The nurses warned me at the hospital. You can become depressed, anxious and emotional from where your hormones are adjusting and by Day 3 that is exactly what happened. Third day in and I cried, I cried all day! I was still in hospital and I just remember breaking down to the midwives and my partner about how I wanted to go home, and that it was so painful to move from my scaring and that I had to wear these disgusting net pants, but why wouldn’t you break down. You have just gone through this whirlwind shit storm, one minute you are relaxing with your swollen feet up, rubbing your rounded belly feeling them little flutters that have now turned into rib breaking upper cuts, imagining if this little ninja will have dark hair or dimples, then next thing you are lying on the hospital bed just after going through this intense back breaking pain to be left with deflated beach ball belly, looking like a 75 years old with a catheter in, white stocking on and a fishing net as pants. I can tell you, I did not feel sexy but I did feel empowered. My body has just created this tiny human with a heart and a button nose and yes little dimples on each cheek. I just made this baby that I will protect and direct on to the right paths.
Once the tornado of chaos settled, and I was slightly adjusted in to my new baby proof home and all the visitors had been and gone, I just breathed a little. I didn’t realise how over whelming it all was until about 2 weeks into it. They were the fastest two weeks, and now I was about to face all day on my own with Roman as paternity was over.
What I learnt in month One-
- Breastfeeding is hard, Roman struggled with the latching.
- Roman hated his Moses basket; we eventually invested in a next to me bed, which was a god send. He felt closer as he always wanted to be on me, so I was able to hold his hand and let him know I was near.
- Roman also hated sleeping on his back. He would wake a lot from it. I was too scared to have him sleep on his chest as they advise against it but eventually my partner tried him on his front and he slept most of that night.
- How many clothes one child goes through each day.
- He really does just eat, sleep and shit.
- He has a better tan than me.
- When is the right time to bath him?
- I can’t take a nice photo of him sleeping as half my tit is now photo bombing the sleeping beauty.
- The pupils of his eyes are almost all black, why is there no colour
- Am I winding him properly
Learning curve month Two:
The first month seemed to go faster than Usain Bolt, How was my little boy a month old already that changed quicker than the weather. (Which actually went from snow storms, to 30 degree heat in pretty much a month too?) So in the first month, I learnt to become immune to explosive diapers and spit up, how to survive on an average of 2.5 hours sleep while exhaustingly trying to feed Roman. Where the second month was trying to become confident to leaving the house with a new born as I did find it daunting. It was attending breastfeeding groups and clinics to help with Romans feeding and also researching some sensory classes that myself and Roman would enjoy. Every day is a learning curve and I also learnt…
- That my boobs leak at the most inconvenient times, like when you’re watching a movie and a woman starts crying and your milk just seeps through.
- Or the uncomfortable pains of swollen boobs when you decide to have a social hour with your friends and you have to leave them to pump and dump in the bathroom stalls of spoons.
- The guilt of actually leaving your little ones to go socialise for an hour because they might need you.
- How proud dads are of their boys ‘man parts’. Like they were the ones that created it and they must have inherited it ‘from their dad’.
- How uncomfortable I felt about myself. I know I should have been proud… I just grew a baby but now I was missing my old, less saggy, unscarred, no stretch mark body.
- I also contradict the last one as I did also miss my bump, he was protected in there, and I could feel his movements, his hiccups. (I think this was the joys of the hormones) the extreme diverse emotions I was feeling.
- How can something so small bring you so much joy and happiness?
- Was that a smile or wind?
- How happy I felt when he put weight on.
- How happy I felt when he pooped after being constipated for more than a day
The roller-coaster journey- month 3
Diving through into month 3, this is where I become more confident. Roman was sleeping much better through the night, I had cried like a baby the first time he had his injections so I felt more prepared the second time. You could actually recognise from a smile now or when he was leaving you a little parcel in his nappy. (The bright red forehead usually gave it away too) We was going to Adventure babies each week, which he loved, and would 100% recommend, it was great for his sensory, he was able to interact with other babies in the same age range and you could socialise with other mothers about their experience of labour and your child’s bowel movements.. Is 5 times normal for such a little person?
I was also learning
- His finger nails grew at super speed, where mine were weak and pathetic.
- His hair was starting to fall out; he was looking like a patchy old man. Unfortunately mine was also falling out.
- He enjoyed his music, I’m sure he was moving his arms and legs to the beat, because I choose to believe I have a super intelligent baby.
- My phone was being filled with 15,000 photos and videos of Roman; I had to capture every possible expression and movement, every sneeze or new expression.
- He was surprising strong on his legs, and has always loved standing.
- Now that my stitches were healing, I started to introduce small exercise back into my route. I would put Roman in the sling and would go for walks.
- I had to accept my house was becoming worse than a pig pen; Mrs Hinch would have been ashamed.
- I also had to learn to shower at super speed.
- Also mum bun are a real thing, when you have little hands that want to hang off your neglected brittle hair, all you can do is put it as high up as possible
After the first 3 months of Romans life, I felt a little more adjusted to motherhood; I was a pro at nursery rhymes, making a fool of myself while trying to sing and dance and knowing what he needed when he cried. Every day is a new stepping stone, a new challenge and new milestone and I just love experiences. 4-6 to be continued…
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