I was going to start this post referencing it ‘The power of motherhood’. I wrote up to say that there isn’t a manual or step by step guide to motherhood. Which would of been a lie, as I googled ‘the power of motherhood’. To my surprise, there on the very top page were the words “the classic manual to motherhood” Well who knew.
So as I lay here with my little boy spread across my chest fast asleep, dribbling from the corner of his mouth. I started to think about being a mother, and what it meant to me to be a mum. What examples I got growing up and how it’s moulded me into the person I am today.
I don’t really remember myself before motherhood. What did I use to think about? What did I use to spend all my money on? WHAT DID I DO?
Now my world is scheduled play dates, nap times and endless episodes of Blaze and the monster machines. I have spent hours scrubbing food off clothes, washing up bottles after bottles, picking dozens of pieces of build-a-blocks off the floor, and keeping my son occupied until bedtime. Honestly, I wouldn’t change this lifestyle for the world. I feel more ‘me’ then I ever have before. I knew I wanted to be a mum, i knew I wanted to have a family. I thought I knew what was involved but I didn’t really know how hard it can be, I didn’t know how selfless mothers actually are. I didn’t know the fears we would develop or learning to accept my imperfect behaviour.
I didn’t know if I could be a good mum or what it took to look after a little one. I just seen how I was cared for as a child. I watched my mum make sacrifices for the life of me and my brother. My mum has shaped me in to the mum I am today. It’s now my turn to rub tummies until the bug has vanished, or to take my son to every football match or the hardest job of all, watching my baby grow until he has his own little family. When I think about motherhood, I thought it meant stability. I thought you needed be stable with your finance, relationships and emotions. I couldn’t possibly look after a child while suffering with panic attacks, and of course I couldn’t care for a child if I couldn’t provide them with all the high tech baby equipment? In reality, those little ones just need you. When their bright wide eyes are mirroring your smile, there is nothing more they need than the comfort of you. You are their safety net, their teacher, their laughter.
We have pushed our bodies to incredible lengths for the development of our babies. We have learnt to change endless nappies, and differentiate between cries. We have become a night owl as we fight against the long nights and watch the moon light creep through our curtains.
I had 9 months to prepare for this day, but i didn’t start learning until I held my tiny, wrinkly little bundle in my arms. As i placed his wet waxy head underneath my chin, my grasp got a little tighter. As i placed my hands around him for the first time; i took in every second, every freckle, and every movement. As my thoughts and imagination become a reality. I could hear him exhale on to my chest. I felt his beating heart become a rhythm. I felt connected as a mother and a child. Even if you are struggling to feel an attachment at the start, you are connected. Your love is pure and priceless.
For now though, I want you to know my crazy, curious like darling, that I would swap my furniture for jumparoo’s, trade my days off for soft plays and farm trips and sacrifice my lie ins for early mornings, just to see that smile across your face everyday.
This is the power of motherhood.
Thank you for reading